Where I Stood
by thundercalls
Summary: Getting locked together in confined spaces always has a way of bringing out truths. - Wrote for the Winter Exchange at One Sweet Love.


This was written **before** the new episode aired last night (11/21) but based around the general idea of the episode seen through promos.

Wrote for **finding_jay** on LiveJournal for the OneSweetLove Winter Exchange. I really hope you like it!

**Prompt**: On a mission, Ronon and Jennifer get stuck in a cave and have to wait for rescue.

(I know I did a similar story recently about them being stuck in a cave, but this struck me!)

* * *

Returning from Earth had been like heaving a great sigh. Not of longing to be back on her home planet with her father. But of relief, to be _home_. In the blink of an eye, Atlantis had became her place. Out of all the universes, foreign and uncharted, she'd found a home on a floating military expedition. With a job, a room, _friends._ Nothing would ever replace the void of being so far away from her father, but there were other people there to fill it.

One person she wasn't looking at in particular though, was Rodney McKay. His presumptuous behavior on Earth when she'd accompanied him to an event, had left much to be desired. She'd hoped in time that she'd be able to look past his shortcomings -- his less than stellar attitude towards most people, his disdainful comments, his ego -- and find the man underneath that all of Atlantis admired.

She hadn't.

So Jennifer Keller made sure to avoid the brilliant scientist at all costs. Turning down Ronon had left their friendship fragile. Almost beyond repair. He'd barely spoken ten words to her in the weeks since. She was reluctant to do the same to McKay. Not only did she not necessarily think he'd understand that he was being rejected, but she didn't want to see the infinite amount of hurt on his face. Not knowing that he loved her.

She wished she could feel the same for him. But the chemistry just wasn't there. She'd tried! She'd _wanted_ it to be there. To have not lied to Ronon. But it just… came up empty. They had too much in common. And not enough different views on things to argue about whether or not her view was right or his. It was _boring_. And she didn't want boring. She wanted heat. Romance. Lust.

All in all. Platonic was the word that came to mind when thinking of Rodney in a relationship status. Platonic friends.

She'd tried to avoid this mission. Really, she had. She knew Rodney would be talking about their time on Earth, boasting about it loudly so that Ronon could hear. Making sure to twist the knife inch by inch until a gaping hole was left in his back. The only way he'd be able to best Ronon, and she was unhappily at the center of it. Mostly because he _hadn't_ bested Ronon. But Ronon hadn't bested Rodney either.

In attempts to avoid Rodney trying to sling an arm around her shoulders, she'd stepped forward and turned to look at the group -- Teyla, John, Ronon and Evan staring confusedly, Rodney with his arm suspended in midair -- and proclaimed that they should all break into teams to search for the elusive trail that would lead into the town. John agreed, and having seen her panicked look when Rodney had tried to put an arm around her, he paired Rodney with Evan, and Jennifer with Ronon.

Jennifer would've protested, but she figured that John wouldn't stick himself with McKay, he wouldn't put the Satedan with the scientist either because the former would've stunned the latter within seconds, Teyla would've killed John for putting her with him, and Evan was the least hostile. So it made sense. She just wished she were with someone other than _Ronon_. One to-be-rejected suitor to the already-rejected suitor. Perfect.

It'd been a silent walk for a click, trying to ignore the others' presence and avoiding looking at the other so much, that neither saw that the thin veil of brush was only camouflage for the cave underneath. They'd fallen swiftly, landing on limbs that rejected the force and sent sharp jags of pain slicing through their bodies. Laying in a heap seemed like the most obvious choice as dirt and grassy blades rained from the hole above them.

A quick survey when they were strong enough to stand, showed that the only exit was the entrance above. The coms only fed back static, and Ronon's gun barely put a dent in the wall after numerous blasts. All it'd really done was send rock flying in every direction, including narrowly missing Jennifer's head. It was then that she'd taken the gun from him and sandwiched it between her belt and pants on the small of her back. He'd looked annoyed and offended at having the weapon ripped from him by a woman half his size, but made no comment.

That would require him to actually speak to her. And other than to ask her if she was okay after their fall, she didn't think this would be the moment that would magically resolve their issues and make them friends again.

That'd happened an hour ago. Now they sat on opposite sides of the cave, neither having said a word after Jennifer had checked them each over for injuries. They studiously avoided talking in sentences longer than five words. _I'm okay. Sit down. Sheppard will come._

She hated it. She wished he'd speak to her. She wished he'd smile, laugh, grunt, _anything_ in response to what she had to say. Show some sort of emotion other than indifference. _That's_ what hurt her the most. She supposed she didn't have much right to be hurt, after the way she'd turned him down and humiliated him. He'd tried to brush it off, but she could see it all over his face.

Jennifer jerked a little when he was suddenly on his feet, demanding his gun back. She held firm, shaking her head against his dangerous growl as he held his hand out expectantly. She didn't want him to blast the walls again and hurt one of them. Most likely himself. She gasped in outrage when he pulled her up with little effort, and removed the gun from her back.

Asking questions got her nowhere as he headed towards the walls and started to try climbing them. He said that all he had to do was get close enough to the mouth of the cave, and he could blast at the trees, alert Sheppard. 'Cause without their coms working, they'd be there for hours.

On his third try, he got halfway up before slipping and landing solidly on his tailbone. A grunt of pain was the only acknowledgment as he stood back up and tried again. She quickly stopped him, fearing he'd get himself killed, and pulled him to stand directly under the hole. Grabbing the gun from him without looking at his face, she forced his hands together, and placed her boot in them. She told him on the count of three, to boost her. He refused, saying it was too dangerous, but she quickly reminded him that it wasn't like _she_ could lift _him_. After a moment of consideration, he counted off and hauled her into the air without problem, pulling off a fancy move that went from having her with one boot in his hand, to having both on his shoulders as he stepped around to get her to the best position.

She got off four clean shots at the trees, effectively sending one up in a puff of smoke with the kill blasts. Her triumph was short lived however when she lost her balance, and began to slip off of Ronon's shoulders.

Fear slid into her very bones as she squeezed her eyes tight to brace herself for the impact. Only, it never came. She felt her body bounce slightly into strong arms as he caught her. Brave in the face of fear gnawing at her stomach, she slowly opened her eyes.

Her arms had automatically locked themselves around his neck, and she'd buried her face into his shoulder as she clung to him. Her heartbeat slowed considerably, almost stopping, as she inhaled the scent of his cologne that wasn't cologne at all. It was wood and trees and spice. It was _him_. Pulling her head away slowly, she chanced a look at his face, and felt like she'd been slapped. She pulled away from him quickly, arching out of his arms to place her feet on the ground messily. She stumbled, falling to her knees and pulling herself back into her little corner. The way he'd looked at her. He was so _angry_.

"I wish you didn't hate me." She said softly, her eyes downcast as she drew her knees closer to her chest. Jen knew that he'd be able to hear it regardless of how quiet she'd been.

"What?" His voice was low, dangerous even, as he strained to keep the roar out of his voice that tore at his insides from her statement.

"I know I hurt you." Jen shook her head as tears choked her voice, cracking and breaking against emotions, "I'm sorry. I truly am. I wish I could take it back. I miss my friend." She knew she sounded pathetic, probably would've looked it even more to him if he could see the tears that coated her face and the flare of her nostrils as she tried to keep the sobs buried in her chest. "I'm an idiot. If I'd known I'd lose you…" A small whimper broke through, and she felt his presence before her in an instant. His hand cupped her chin and tried to lift her head, but she shook it off, refusing to let him see her cry.

"I don't hate you, Jen." Ronon said quietly, struggling with the right words, never having been in a situation like this.

"You just looked at me like you do." She lifted her head, gesturing with her hand to the spot where they'd been standing moments before, her mind tricking her into seeing his face again. Hard lines of danger, eyes ablaze with an anger akin to lifetime enemies. Her eyes narrowed, snapping to his blank eyes as he opened his mouth, "And don't deny it. I know what I saw."

"I wasn't angry at _you_." He said slowly, eyes darting back and forth without actually focusing as he scanned his own brain for the right way to put things. He suddenly wished he were like John, who knew what to say when and how to put it without offending or hurting anyone. "If I hadn't caught you, you would've been seriously hurt." He said as explanation, the thought of her in pain because she succeeded in something he'd failed to do from the walls was enough to boil his blood and send him careening into madness at himself.

"I already fell from there. It would've been a slightly shorted distance. It wouldn't have killed me." She said in annoyance, clearly not believing his answer as the true reason he'd been angry. "Wanna try again?" Jen asked dryly, her disappointment ebbing away into impatience.

He stared at her for a moment, his jaw clenching and causing the muscles to jump beneath the skin as he seemed to have an internal debate. Right when Jen thought she was gonna get a real answer, he stood suddenly, and stalked over to the other side of the cave. He plopped down into the same spot he'd been in earlier, and became motionless as he kept watch at the hole above them. Either expecting enemies or waiting for Sheppard, she couldn't quite be sure.

She sighed to herself, dropping her chin to her chest as she wearily shook her head. As she wiped away her tears, she smiled humorlessly. "When I was in high school, I was the outcast. I told you that. But when I was in college… that was different." She laughed bitterly, raising her head to rest it back against the jagged rocks, "I was the youngest girl there, the youngest freshman. That meant… I believe the term was 'sacred meat'." She watched the muscle jump in Ronon's jaw again, "Suddenly guys were paying attention to me. It was a whole new and exciting experience to have guy after guy jockeying for my attention. No one really got it, I laughed most of it off, until one guy." Jen's eyes glazed over as she got lost in the memories of her freshman year at college.

She laughed, shaking her head once more. It was a hollow and bitter laugh that surprised both Ronon and herself. "His name was Scott. He was a junior, which made him a third year to my first. But of course, seeing as I jumped a couple of grades, I was still a few years younger than all the other freshman. Hence _sacred_. He seemed to be appalled by his classmen's behavior towards me, and I appreciated his concern. Things started slow. We dated for a bit, and I was convinced I was in love. He was at school on a sports scholarship and wasn't really into academia." She remembered his face; cherub-like innocence, soft green eyes and spiky dirty blonde hair that he matted down as a nervous habit, and rubbed at his mouth when he got shy.

"He was my first love. My first… _first_." She finished embarrassedly, her cheeks flaming with color as she told Ronon in a single word that he'd been her first sexual partner. First of only three in the last ten years. "We last halfway through his senior year. He was talking about moving to a city and he'd play pro-ball and I could be the trophy wife. I almost agreed to it, before I found him…" She choked on the words, pausing to clear her throat and take a deep breath as she was confronted with a memory she hadn't recalled in years. "In our bed with another woman. His best friend. A lacrosse star or something like that."

Silence hung in the air, deafening to a dull ringing that left the desire for sound, _any_ sound, to permeate the steady buzz. "I know it's not fair, but… you remind me of him in a way." She admitted, staring at her hands as she twisted them nervously in her lap. She remembered him telling her that she reminded him of Melena, and felt it only fair to be honest. She'd spent nights wondering if that resemblance in character had brought him to pursue her, and in an ironic twist, his resemblance to Scott caused her to twist away from the spindly fingers of potential. Of a relationship. It brought up painful memories and feelings of inadequacy.

"How?" Was the monotonous response from the shadows. A vibration under the word sent chills down Jen's spine as she detected barely controlled anger.

"I just wonder how long your interest in me will last. I know Melena was a doctor like me, but that was ten years ago. You were forced to fight for your life every minute for seven years. You turned into a glorious warrior. And that scared me." Jen finished, her lip quivering as those aforementioned feelings flooded her senses once more. His sharp intake of breath jolted her, confused her, before she realized what she'd said. "Not like that, Ronon. God, not like that." She said quickly, scrambling to her hands and knees to crawl quickly across the expanse of the cave to kneel before him. She grabbed his hands in hers, shocked when he gripped them tightly so that she wouldn't be able to remove them even if she wanted to. "I can't be hurt like that again, Ronon. How long would I be able to be enough before you decided that Teyla, The Warrior Princess was more suited for you? Or Amelia the Kickboxer? Or Laura the Bomb Expert? Some kick ass chick, someone better suited for you."

His hands tore from hers as if they'd been burned, "Nice to see you have such a high opinion of me." He grunted, eyes narrowing as he felt shame and rejection swim through him with every word she spoke.

"That's not what I meant!" Jennifer said sharply, her voice echoing in the small cavern. She took a deep, cleansing breath, before trying again. "I'm not like the other girls on base, Ronon. I like to ask questions before charging into a situation. I like to do research. I like to read up on things before I get involved. I'm more of McKay's sort, than yours. That's why I thought that he was the safer choice. The right choice. I thought I was saving the both of us from an inevitable pain. But God… there wasn't enough alcohol at that event to drill out his annoying blathering of how he was so much better than that guy, or how that guy stole an equation from him, or how she secretly wanted him. That champagne was cheap, and the near-death experience was a welcome reprieve from his voice." She felt warmth swim through her as Ronon chuckled through her description of the dinner she'd accompanied Rodney to. She couldn't help the smile that lit her face.

"You scare me, because of how I feel when I'm with you." She admitted softly, ducking her head to the side to catch his eye when he looked away as soon as she started. "Laura says that when I'm around you, the smile actually reaches my eyes, instead of just shifting my face. When you touch me," her hand encircled his wrist, and brought his hand up to lay flat against the flesh over her racing heart, "I feel like I can do anything. When you look at me, I feel like I'm suffocating. When I see you in the halls, my first instinct is to run to you and wrap myself in you." Her hand raised to lay against his cheek, watching through tear-blurred eyes as his face softened with each word she spoke. "When I enter a room, I automatically look for you. When I hear your laugh, I feel weightless. When I see you smile… I wish I had the courage to kiss you."

"But why did you choose McKay?"

She frowned when that's all he said, after everything she'd took a chance on and revealed. He asks about _McKay_. "I didn't _choose_ anyone, not really. I went with Rodney because he asked, and because I hoped that maybe I could come to care for him so that it didn't hurt as much when you finally moved on into a relationship with someone that deserves you. But I didn't choose him. There's only one choice as far as I'm concerned."

"Jen…" His hand slid slowly up her chest, sending a shiver through her body that he would've smugly smiled at had the movement not caused his own shiver -- that he was able to contain. Barely. "You were right." He smiled softly, never faltering as he watched her face fall, having known that she'd take it the wrong way. "You _are_ an idiot." His hand had came to rest on the side of her neck, her pulse drumming beneath his palm, and he used that advantage to pull her to him.

Their lips met softly, despite his insistent movement to drag her to him. He felt her melt against him, his thighs squeezing against her sides and lifting his arm to cling around her back as he softly explored her mouth with his. The tentative touch of her tongue on his sent shots of electricity dancing around his spine until they performed a tap number on his brain. With each soft caress, her hesitance slipped away until her fingers clawed at his shirt, pressing herself closer to him as they finally had their moment. A moment that had eluded them since the quarantine. The moment that was change everything for the both of them.

They pulled away slowly, eyes lazily opening to stare into the other's as oxygen fed their starved lungs. "Hey you." She said softly, smiling shyly as he brushed hair from her forehead.

"Hi back." He responded, dipping forward to pull at her mouth again, seeking a soft, lingering kiss that sent want through him. Not want of lust, but of hope. Hope for a fresh start. A true one. On this base with her. He wanted to find a home here, and with her, he believed he could. "You're the missing piece. The piece I've been searching for since I arrived on Atlantis."

They both knew it was as close to a confession of love as he could give to her right now. His heart and soul were still scarred, and he was reluctant to show her the nastier side of him when he'd just found her. But one day, he knew he could.

"And you're mine." Her tone was full of emotion, her eyes reflecting them as she memorized his face, mapped the trio of dots beneath his eye, the minuscule scar that disappeared into his dreads, the laugh lines around his eyes when he smiled at her. _This_ was home. This dank, dark, creepy cave was home. Because he was with her. She buried her face in his neck, peppering kisses along the tough skin as she reveled in the feeling of finally feeling like she belonged somewhere.

Grass crunched outside the hole, McKay's bitching prominent over the hushed whispers of the others. The Satedan and doctor pulled apart quickly, standing and calling out to their teammates. Sheppard met them, laying on the ground and peaking his head in with the promise that Evan was at the Jumper awaiting instructions so that they could tie a rope to the hatch and haul them out.

As John sent up the flare and warned McKay and Teyla not to venture too close, Ronon closed his hand around Jennifer's wrist. McKay was shouting.

"Not to worry, my love, we'll have you out of their in a jiffy, and away from the caveman. While I'm sure he feels at home in his natural habitat, I know you'll feel much better up here with me."

Jennifer rolled her eyes and pressed her face into Ronon's chest, shaking her head against him.

"First thing you do when we get out of here, is tell McKay where your true interests lie, or my finger's gonna slip on my gun." Ronon growled, pulling the weapon from it's harness and turning it on.

With the familiar hum, Jen looked up from his chest to see him glaring up at the hole where McKay was still yammering, "It's set to stun, right?"

"Nope."

"I'll take care of it."

"You better. You're mine, now." Ronon proclaimed, his eyes locking with hers heatedly as one hand brushed her mused hair from her face. Maybe they should get stuck in rooms together more often. It seemed to have positive outcomes for them.

* * *

**finding_jay**, I really hope you liked this! It kinda morphed on it's own from what I'd originally planned, so you can either blame or thank Nyquil for that :D

This might be my last one for a few weeks. I'm moving the first week of December and actually have to start packing (I'm seeing the house this morning for the first time, that's how fast this all happened) and that same weekend I'm going to Disney with my family, so I'm gonna be relatively busy.

HOWEVER. I'm working on a massive story. I was gonna post the prologue up, but I want to establish a few chapters before I do that.


End file.
